Blood of Dragons - Страница 43

Thymara drew her knees up to her chin. The benches were like the bed in her room; they appeared to be stone, until one had been seated for a time. Then they softened, slightly. She shook her head in wonder. ‘And she devoted months of her life to this work.’

‘No. Years. And was well respected for it.’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘I’m starting to. I think it has to do with how long one expects to live.’ He paused and then cleared his throat uncomfortably. ‘When I think about how long we may have to live, how many years I may be able to spend with you, it lets me think about things differently.’

She shot him a strange look and he came over to sit on the wide bench next to her. He met her gaze for a time, and then lay back on the bench and stared up at the sky through the dust-streaked glass. ‘Rapskal and I had a talk. About you.’

Thymara stiffened. ‘Did you?’ She heard the chill in her own voice.

A small smile tweaked Tats’s mouth. ‘We did. Would you be more pleased if I’d said we’d had a fist fight? I think we both knew it might come to that. Rapskal is changing as he takes on the memories of that Elderling. He’s becoming more …’ He paused, seeking a word. ‘Assertive,’ he said, and she sensed it was not quite the word he wanted.

‘And he was the one who was wise enough to come to me and say he didn’t want us to end up fighting. That we’d been friends too long to end it for any reason, but especially over jealousy over you.’

She sat stiffly beside him, trying to decipher not only what she felt but why she felt it. Hurt. Angry. Why? Because she felt they had gone past her, perhaps decided between themselves something that should have been discussed with her. She imposed calm on her voice. ‘And what did the two of you decide?’

He didn’t look at her but he reached over and took her hand. She let him hold it but did not return the pressure of his fingers. ‘We didn’t decide anything, Thymara. It wasn’t that kind of a conversation. Neither one of us is Greft, thinking that we can force you to make a decision. You’ve proven your point to both of us. When or even if you want to be with one of us, you will. And until then …’ He gave a small sigh and then finally looked at her.

‘Until then you wait,’ she said, and felt a small thrill of satisfaction at his understanding that she controlled the situation.

‘I do. Or I don’t.’

Startled, she met his gaze. It was strange to look at his face now and recall the smooth-skinned boy he had been. His dragon had incorporated his slave tattoo into his scaling, but the horse on his cheek looked more dragonish now. She almost lifted a hand to touch it but held herself back. ‘What does that mean?’

‘Only that I’m as free as you are. I could walk away. I could find someone else—’

‘Jerd,’ she growled.

‘She’s made it plain, yes.’ He rolled onto his side and tugged at her hand. Reluctantly, she lay down beside him. After a time, the bench adapted to her wings, cradling her. She looked into his eyes, her gaze cold. He smiled. ‘But I could also be by myself. Or wait for others to come and join us here. Or go looking for someone else. I have time. That’s what Rapskal and I talked about. That if, as seems likely, we may live two or even three hundred years, then we all have time. Nothing has to be rushed. We don’t have to live as if we were children squabbling over toys.’

Toys. Her, a toy? She tried to pull away from him.

‘No, listen to me, Thymara. I felt the same way when Rapskal first spoke to me. Like he was making what I feel a trivial thing. Like he was telling me to wait and that when he was finished with you, I could have you. But that wasn’t it at all. I thought it was stupid of him, at first, all the time he spent with memory-stone. But I think he’s learned something. He said that the longer life is, the more important it is to keep your friends, to not have quarrels that can be avoided.’ His smile faded a bit and for a time he looked troubled. ‘He said that, as a soldier, he had learned that a man’s deep friendships were the most important thing he could possess. Things can be broken, or lost. All a man can keep for certain are the things in his mind and heart.’

He lifted his free hand and traced the line of her jaw. ‘He said that no matter what you decided, he wanted to stay friends with me. And he asked me if I could do the same. If I could resolve that what you decided was your decision, not something we should blame on the other fellow.’

‘I think that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you,’ Thymara said quietly, but in her heart she wondered if that were so.

‘He said something else, something I’ve been thinking about. He said that from what he’s remembered from the stones, some of the Elderlings had the same sort of problem. And they solved it by not being jealous. By not limiting each woman to one man. Or each man to one woman.’ He turned to look up at the sky again. She wondered what he didn’t want her to read in his eyes. Did he fear (or hope) that she would agree to that? It was not the first time she had heard such an idea. Jerd had made it plain of late that she would share her favours where she willed, and that none of the male keepers should think she was his simply because she’d shared one night with him. Or a month of nights. Three or four of the keepers had seemed to accept this relationship with her. Thymara had heard a few disparaging remarks from them about her, but she seemed to be gaining a genuine partnership with several of them, one in which her partners seemed as bonded to each other as they were to her. Thymara was sceptical that it would work long term but had resolved to ignore the situation.

But if that was what Tats was broaching as a solution … She spoke stiffly: ‘If that’s what you’re hoping for, I’m sorry, Tats. I can’t be with both you and Rapskal, and be glad of it. Nor can I share you with another, even if she weren’t Jerd. My heart doesn’t work that way.’

He heaved a sudden sigh of relief. ‘Neither does mine.’ He rolled to face her and she let him take her hands. ‘I was willing to compromise if it was the only future you saw. But I didn’t want to. I want you all to myself, Thymara. Even if it means waiting.’

The depth of feeling in his words took her by surprise. He read it on her face. ‘Thymara, it’s no accident I’m here in Kelsingra. I came here because of you. I told you and your father that I just wanted the adventure, but I was lying. I was following you, even then. Not just because there was no real future for me in Trehaug, but because I knew that there was no future for me anywhere if you weren’t there. It’s not because you just happen to be here, and I just happen to be here. It’s not because you’re a good hunter, nor even because of how beautiful you’ve become. It’s you. I came here for you.’

She had no words to reply to him.

He spoke as if he had to fill the silence. ‘Some of the others have made me feel like an idiot because I can’t compromise. The other night, after dinner, when you went out walking with Rapskal, Jerd called me aside. She said there was something on a high shelf in her room, something she couldn’t reach. It was a ploy. There was nothing there, but once we were alone, she said that she didn’t have the problems you did with men. That if I wanted her, I could be with her, and then still court you if I thought I wanted you as well. She said she could keep it secret, that you’d never know.’ He looked into Thymara’s eyes and quickly reminded her, ‘Jerd said it, not me. I didn’t agree to it, and I walked away from what she was offering.’ In a lower voice, he added, ‘Trusting her is not a mistake I’d make twice. But she did manage to make me feel childish. Foolish that I couldn’t just dispense with the “old rules” and “live our lives as we pleased”. She laughed at me.’ He paused for a moment and then cleared his throat. ‘Rapskal made me feel that way, too. And while he didn’t laugh at me, he told me that in a few decades I’d change my mind. He’s so comfortable with these ideas. But I’m not.’

‘Then I suppose I’m as childish and rule-bound as you are. Because I feel the same way.’ She moved her head onto his shoulder and spoke hesitantly. ‘But if I say that I still don’t feel ready, will you change your mind?’

‘No. I’ve thought it through, Thymara. If I have to wait, then, well, I have the time. We don’t have to rush. We don’t have to rush to have children before we’re twenty because we may not live past forty. The dragons changed that for us. We have time.’

Then maybe I am ready. She almost said the words aloud. Hearing that he would no longer pressure her to decide, hearing that he understood that, with her, it had to be exclusive, had affirmed something about him. Instead, she said, ‘You are the man I thought you would be.’

‘I hope so,’ he said. And then they were still for a while, so still that she started to doze off, until Sintara’s excited jab awoke her.

‘Silver!’ she exclaimed, and Tats’s voice almost echoed hers. His dragon’s excitement came through in his inflection. But he gave Thymara a puzzled look. ‘A silver well? The Silver well?’ He was incredulous. ‘Did we dream it?’

She shook her head at him and grinned. ‘Sintara says that Carson and Sedric have found it. She showed me where.’ She blinked, the location of the well suddenly reordering her mental map of the city. Of course. It all made sense now. Knowledge seeped up from buried memories; the secret that only Elderlings and dragons must know, the one bit of knowledge that must never be shared with the outside world. The very reason for Kelsingra’s location and existence. She did not smile: it was too immense for that. ‘It’s dragon Silver. The source of all magic.’